This post probably has no spiritual significance whatsoever… but I want to express a deep and serious issue of my heart. I want to talk about something that we unfortunately let off the hook. Today I came face to face with one of the more vile and awful ideas of our time. This issue and current evil goes unnoticed and unchecked in our society. And what is the deep and gratuitous evil you may ask?
The bathroom key.
That’s right, I am exposing this corruption for what it is. I hate the bathroom key. I hate it. Hate. I have my reasons, and because I’m me, I’ll list them in a top 5 format.
1. They are hygienically disgusting. Seriously, when is a bathroom key touched? People touch the bathroom key before (hopefully not during) and after using the bathroom. I don’t want to go into much more detail, but seriously… its probably the most germ infested key in the world. I worry my hand is growing an eye ball as I walk to the bathroom.
2. You can never tell when you are going to have to use one. These blasted keys sneak up on you when you least expect it. There you are needing desperately to go to the restroom, you search and search for the toilet, and find its locked. You wait and wait, but no one is inside. And just before you explode from pain and anguish, you realize you have to go get the *&%# key.
3. I feel stupid carrying one around. You know, if I wanted to announce to everyone in the bookstore that I was about to pee I would just stand up and say, “hey everyone, I need to make an announcement. I have tried holding it for an unbearable amount of time and am now too uncomfortable to read. I have to go number 1. I just thought everyone should know. Thank you and goodnight.”
4. They look ridiculous. For some reason every bathroom key I’ve encountered has some strange attachment. Its like they grow tacky objects out of their neck. One may have a rubber fish tied to it, another a bent and distorted coat hanger, and still another an ugly wooden rod entitled “bathroom key.” What exactly are you supposed to do with the foot long ruler with curse words written on it while you’re trying to pee?
5. It gives too much power to the holder of the key. The holder of the key can deny me or anyone else the right and opportunity to use the bathroom in the toilet. I don’t like that one bit. Not one bit.
Again, I know this has no real spiritual significance, and I didn’t want to try to stretch it to find one. So all I’ve got is an angry rant on this Thursday.
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2 comments:
that's funny.
and... that's why i almost pee'd in my pants that time on the way to the retreat.
the other thing is that is truly important you forgot to mention, is that no one ever knows what the bathroom key will unlock. 9 times out of ten, it's one of the grossest disgusting 5 foot by 8 foot rooms your existence has ever been in.
i agree... that's an important #6! HAHAHAHAH!!
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