go west young man.

I was reading some of “on the road” on the plane ride to Guam from Hawaii when a section caught my attention. He has this dream to hitchhike west across the country and spends the entire first day riding north and south. Out of frustration he says,

“chatter-chatter blah-blah, and me swearing for all the time and the money I’d wasted, and telling myself, I wanted to go west and here I’ve been all day and into the night going up and down, north and south, like something that can’t get started.”

When I read this my heart sank. In his mind and heart and self the man dreamed to go west, but he couldn’t get going, couldn’t get started on his journey even though he had set out for it. when I look at myself honestly I worry I feel the same way sometimes. I worry that in my hopes to change the world, these unsolid, indefinable hopes of engaging the world with something valuable and unselfish and good, I worry I’m “going up and down, north and south, like something that can’t get started.” And then I read about the life of Jesus,

“when the days drew near for him to be taken up, he set his face like flint to go to Jerusalem… but the people did not receive him because his face was set toward Jerusalem.”

He made up his mind to do something grand. He resolved in his self to do what he was made to do. And so to Jerusalem he went. He accomplished his goal. Love won. This resolve is so attractive to me. So attractive and foreign and reachable maybe… but I feel like I’m at times floundering like something that can’t quite get started, can’t get the momentum it needs, can’t find the flint set face.

So this is my prayer: Jesus, I want to follow you now. Right now. I want to move toward you and change the world with you right now. Enough moving up and down, north and south, enough of these things that hinder my journey. Enough. Please give me the wisdom to find the paths you set in my life and the resolve to follow you through them with my heart as well as my mind. I want to truly get started. Help me.