all things new...

there's much to be said about god making all things new. much to be said.

this month has been a month of newness for me, but not because i've done loads of never-before-done things, although i did a few. its been a month of newness because the kingdom of god we live in makes old things new and alive again. how can i explain seeing tall pine trees and letting my mouth hang open looking up at east texas winter stars? i've heard my papaw talk about Jesus hundreds of times, but this christmas sitting around his chair with the family who knows best his struggle with cancer the tears came. conversations with cara and kirk and kerra have always meant much to me, but this week they were more and new and different.

God's kingdom is a kingdom of new beginnings and of retrying when we fail. its a life of restarting and getting back on track. and we receive these second and third chances every moment. we are made new with every exhale. its like he's constantly creating the kingdom with new possibilities around us as we live in it and try to grasp it with our lives. no wonder paul writes, "i'm not already perfect, but i press on to make it [jesus] my own, because jesus has made me his own."

and so our stories move forward starting over and over and over and over.

a deep, refreshing sigh

i haven't written in a few days. i got home after a 20 something hour flight and almost cried seeing my dad and sister at the airport. i love my family. too much has happened to tell all the fun details and crazy stories... but i can say thank you to james kwon for coming to texas to visit. he was a champ through all the christmases and the family time and the drunk uncles and late night wild wings and the rocking out and broken drum sticks and cake balls and football games. what a great friend.

sometimes i forget how refreshing it is to talk with someone who knows you. its been nice. thanks james.

i got a few new books for christmas i think i'm really going to like. one is "what is the what." i've been wanting to buy it for months so i can't wait to enjoy it.

i don't have much else at the moment other than to say, i love texas accents. love.

me being me.

well friends. i did a completely "austin evers" sort of thing last night. we had a roster of all the students that came to our christmas party this week. now, we aren't going to hound them or email them once a week, but its nice to be able to invite them to something like this again. so yeah, those sheets of paper... i washed them. yep. i washed them.

they are salvageable, but why does someone put that in their pocket anyway? and what kind of adult washes clothes without checking the pockets? good grief.

celebrate

the christmas party went as well as i could've asked. we fed about 70 students total and got to have some good conversations with many of them. when i got home i couldn't sleep because i was thinking of all the things that might have gone a little better or that next time we'll do differently when I realized rather than do that i needed to celebrate. so here are a few things i celebrated...

1. students from all three colleges were at the dinner. around 10 from PIBC, 5 or so from GCC, and about 50 from UOG came to the dinner in the midst of their finals.

2. the cost was fairly resonable. the final figures aren't important for the blog, but we were able to spend less than i expected.

3. some of our churches were more than willing to help. a few churches sent people to help cook and serve, while others offered to do whatever we needed. it was very encouraging. i'm not used to working with a group of churches like this and am still learning how the college ministry is to bless them.

4. countless students said thank you to all of us. of course we didn't throw the party to hear thank yous, but it helped us see that they valued what we were doing enough to say it.

5. i learned more names.

this is just the quick starter list, but i figured i give the update. it reallly was a good night. thanks so much to all of you who gave encouragement throughout the past two weeks and those of you who were praying. ya'll mean so much to me. thanks. i celebrate you too.

on the eve of the party

this is what happens to me the day before a ministry outreach event. or at least one that took more than a few days of planning...

i start to doubt the planning. today i've made probably 23 lists. one for shopping, one for shopping after the first shopping, one for the food needed, one for the help needed, one about the other day's activities, a check on these things list, a what can go wrong list, a how to fix the things that could go wrong list... it goes on and on. my mom says i have obsessive compulsive tendancies. i agree. now most of these lists are in my brain, but some find their way to paper.

then i begin to worry i'm not supposed to be in ministry. i don't pity myself, but i rethink my calling 18 times to make sure i'm not doing damage to the kingdom of god. most of the time i do this and then laugh... so i'm not trying to sound depressing.

after that i worry no one will show up. this is common with my friends too. we worry we'll be the only ones there with the volunteers. its a very real fear.

a few minutes later i pray like mad and am filled with a bit of hope. i usually yell out loud in my car, "please cure my unbelief!" and then again i laugh because i remember praying the same thing an hour ago and a week ago and a year ago.

then i relax for four minutes untill something new for list number 9 pops into my head and the hamster runs in the wheel again. but more frantically this time.

next i shop and worry i'm spending too much money on this or that. then i worry there won't be enough good to come out of something to spend such and such dollars. and again i get frantic and make a new list that starts with, "spend money wisely." then i inevitably forget to buy something and remember when i get into the truck. and a new list begins. then i curse myself for forgetting. then i wish i had a secretary. then my mind wonders and because i'm single and 25 i wish i had a very attractive secretary who liked me and wanted me to take her on dates.

then i think of fun dates.

after a few too many minutes of this i get back to making lists and praying wildly and wishing i was gfted with details and fearing no one will show up.

but in all this madness that is my brain, i love these days. they make me feel alive and crazy and funny and unique and nervous and stressed and afraid and and and... but the dinner and chrstmas party for college students is tomorrow. we're still praying that we make a contact with 150 students and make a real connection with dozens.

now, back to making lists.